Hi, I’m Beth, and I’m a fraud.
I realize that’s a pretty dramatic statement, but it’s truly how I feel right now. And in these days of fake news, telling the hard truth (before someone tells it for you) and owning that truth, that’s what people want. And it’s what you deserve from me.
Almost three years ago, I started Eat Within Your Means. And in that time I’ve shared a bit about my former weight loss success, and subsequently gaining all that weight back. The tagline for EWYM is “fatten your wallet, skinny your jeans”. Except, in three years, I havent really figured out how to do either of those things for myself. Hence, I feel like a big fat fraud.
Right now, this moment, I stand 5 foot 7 inches tall and weigh in at about 230 pounds. It’s incredibly difficult for me to tell you that, but it’s not like I can really hide it. Especially not when I’m doing television appearances on a regular basis – that HD camera, folks, it’s a truth-teller if there ever was one. So there’s my truth. Now that it’s out in the open, what’s next?
I don’t want to be a fraud anymore. I want to be able to confidently share tips and recipes to fatten your wallet and skinny your jeans because they have worked for me. I could just change the name of the blog to “Food that Doesn’t Suck”, and take the pressure off, but I really do want to learn how to eat within my means. And if you’re reading this, chances are you do too.
Can I tell you something though? I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it, and a year from now I’ll end up quietly walking away from EWYM under a cloud of shame. Except…SCREW YOU, FEAR. I’m done with you. I seriously just got goosebumps when I typed those words. I mean, it’s cold in here, but still. There was power in typing those words.
So, game on.
First things first, let’s set some SMART goals. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-Based.
Specific
I will lose 90 pounds.
Measurable
My bathroom scale should work just fine. I also have a pair of red pants (Old Navy size 6) that I bought as my “goal pants” when I lost weight the first time around, and I never quite got into them. Being able to wear them comfortably would be a much more fun way to measure the goal.
Achievable
I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
Realistic
A goal weight of 140 pounds is realistic for someone of my size, frame, and gender. I don’t plan on building a ton of muscle bulk, but rather lean muscle. However, if I decide over time to focus more on building muscle, I may adjust this weight goal slightly with that in mind. At my lowest weight in 2010, I was 165 pounds and still felt like I had plenty lose without being underweight.
Time-Based
I will lose 90 pounds in 10 months (well, 9 months and 27 days), between now and the end of 2017. There are 43 weeks in that time, so I will need to lose approximately 2 pounds per week to reach my goal.
It felt really good to type that out. Now, how exactly am I going to achieve this goal?
Move more.
Eat less.
Repeat.
That sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Simple, yes. Easy, no. If it were easy, I wouldn’t be struggling to do it. There are some obstacles in my way, both physical and mental, but that’s why I’m here, telling this truth, fighting this fight. Here’s how I intend to tackle it, with a bit more detail this time.
Move More
This is where the obstacles come in to play. Am I the only one who hears “ob-stack-les” in George Clooney’s voice from the movie Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Tell me I’m not alone in this. Anyway…moving more has been tough lately, because out of nowhere I’ve had some foot problems come up, specifically plantar fasciitis. Just the simple act of walking is often tough. But the last couple of days I’ve started to see some improvement, and haven’t woken up limping on my first steps out of bed, so here’s hoping that it’s getting better and that more movement will help and not hinder. For the short-term, I’m going to focus on walking and yoga. I’ve had to take a break from my Barre3 practice, which has been so hard, but I really hope that I’ll be able to go back very soon.
Daily steps goal: 15,000 (1 rest day where steps aren’t counted)
Eat Less
A better way to say this is “Eat Better”. So often my food choices lean toward the carb-heavy side, and that’s something I’m going to work to balance. I won’t give up my crusty bread with soup, but the soup to bread ratio will be more like 5:1 when before it was more like 1:5. That’s an exaggeration, but you get my point. My main focus is going to be on high-fiber, nutrient-dense foods, with consideration given to portion control.
Weekly meal planning and meal prep is going to start playing a much bigger role in my life (finally), but I can foresee there being some ramp-up time needed there. I tend to get grand ideas and then have trouble executing them, so even though I’m starting this at the beginning of the week, I have no idea what I’m even making for dinner tonight. As the weeks go by, I will be incorporating more meal planning/prep strategies, with the ultimate goal of making that a weekly habit. This will definitely help on the Fat Wallet front, as well.
For the first month, I don’t plan to count calories, but if I don’t see results from portion control and fewer carbs, then I may consider more strictly counting my calories. I’m choosing to avoid that at first, because 1) it’s a pain in the butt, and 2) I want to try to tune into my body’s cues regarding hunger and satiety.
Final Thoughts
When I’m scrolling through social media, I often see stories that focus on body image and health that seem to be at odds with each other. No one can really agree about what it truly means to be healthy and happy. I am all for being body-positive and loving yourself just as you are and all of that. Honestly, I am. As far as my own experience? I can only tell you that I don’t feel like me right now. And I remember, wistfully, how I felt when I lost weight in the past, even if I wasn’t at that all-elusive “goal weight”. I felt AMAZING. I felt like me. I took showers regularly and wore makeup and did my hair every day and actually enjoyed going shopping for clothes. I could walk up and down stairs without losing my breath and could go on a hike with my husband without trailing behind.
I don’t feel like me when I don’t have the energy to run around with my kids. I want to PLAY with them. And I want them to remember me as an active, happy momma, not one who told them to go run around while I sat on the couch because I was so tired after simply making dinner. So my goal in this effort is not only to live out what Eat Within Your Means is all about, but mostly to feel like Me again. We only have this one life, and I’m two weeks away from approaching the 38th year of mine (although Michael would have you believe I’m approaching my 40th, isn’t he sweet?), and I’m not willing to spend any more time not being myself. Ya dig?
So, I’ll be here, every week for the next 43 weeks (and beyond!), keeping you posted on how things are going. There will be recipes too, of course. Girl’s gotta eat. And if you want to see more of the in-depth goings on, I’ll be doing daily updates on my Instagram Story, in case you’re the stalker type who wants to know what I’m eating and drinking and doing for workouts and all that.
Here goes everything.
Wow, Beth! Way to put it out there! Good luck to you! BTW, if you’re looking for yoga inspiration, I find Yoga with Adriene on YouTube to be phenomenal. She has lots of videos that range from less than 10 minutes to over an hour, and her mantra is Find What Feels Good. She’s very affirming, encouraging, and inspiring, geared toward all levels and body types.
Thank you so much, Trish! At this point, putting myself out there is quite selfish on my part, because I need the accountability and motivation. I have heard others recommend Yoga with Adriene as well, thanks for adding your endorsement! I’ll definitely check it out. 🙂
Thank you for this, you just spoke the truth for a lot of us. There are so many different goals we’re all struggling to achieve. Why is it so hard to do what we know/want?! We’re with you and you CAN do this! Keep us posted along the way!
You know I will. Plus you’ll have to hear about it all probably much more than you ever wanted, having been along for the ride the first time around. 😉
I know you can meet your goals.
Thanks for sharing your truth.
?
Love you, Mom. 🙂
good luck Beth you are truly an inspiration, I hope I can do it too
Thank you Leah!!! You can totally do it too. With you all the way!
You. Got. This!!!
Another commenter mentioned yoga – GREAT idea. I too have foot problems and alternate between body pump classes (SUPER low impact)and hot yoga (strength and stretch) – it’s awesome!
Also, O’Brother is one of our families favorite quotable movies!
Be strong, we’re all pulling for you!
“We’re in a tight spot!” “I’m a Dapper Dan Man!” “He’s bonafide!” etc… 😉
Thank you so much Angie. I’ll have to check out Body Pump classes, I need low impact right now for sure. I’m looking forward to getting back into yoga, even walking right now is tough on my body. There’s a hot yoga studio right by my house, guess it’s time to finally get my booty over there. 🙂
I love this level of honesty, however 2lbs a week for 10 months is a huge and dramatic shift! I thought you were supposed to do 1.5 lbs/week max? Maybe start a bit smaller? I support your enthusiasm and whatever you decide to go with!
I agree. I am excited for you and full of support. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.
I do have some thoughts to add, if you are open to it. As someone who has had a long history of eating disorders, I would like to suggest you focus on the process, eating healthier and moving more, and not the result, or weight loss. Although weight loss TV shows show people losing a ton of weight each weight, studies show that losing weight that quickly will likely cause the person to eventually gain it all back and more. As you get closer to your goal weight, 2lbs per week will not be a safe weight loss rate. I highly suggest Kathryn Hanson’s book, Brain over Binge for anyone who struggles with weight (not just bulimics and binge eaters) and consulting with a doctor and/or nutritionist to make sure you are doing it safely and in a way that won’t cause you to rebound later.
Hi Ariah! The CDC recommends losing 1-2 pounds per week for sate weight loss. I’m on the higher end of that range, for sure, but I have done this before and 2 pounds a week worked really well for me. It’s an average, of course, so some weeks I’d lose three, and the next 1, even though I was doing the same things. The first time around I counted calories and did a specific workout plan. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts – I appreciate it!
Kori, thanks to you too for the book recommendation and your thoughts. I’ll definitely make sure to be mindful of how I’m approaching this, as I’m all too familiar with regaining the weight. This is a long haul/lifestyle shift for me, finally.
I always enjoy your posts and journeys, where ever you go! I have HDTV and you look beautiful.
Thank you Peggy! You are always so encouraging to me. 🙂
Good luck Beth! Cheering you on!!
Thank you Audrey!! 🙂
Love your blog and so admire your honesty and courage in just putting this all on the table that I had to drop a quick response. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey. We’re behind you and looking forward to future posts!
Thank you so much, Anne! Can’t wait to keep sharing my progress. 🙂
Praying for you, sister. I really appreciate your honesty and calling out fear for what it is. Need a health turnaround of my own that might be different but the struggle is similar. Cheering you on and encouraged by your brave example.
Thank you, Michelle! Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you in person. So glad we are still connected even though the distance is great. All the best to you in your own health turnaround!
Love this!! Your boldness and honesty rocks…am rooting for you!!
Thanks Lyn! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support. 🙂
You can do it. What worked for me was to simply eliminate gluten and most dairy. The pounds slipped off, about 1/4 pound to 1/2 pound a month until I had lost 40 pounds. Now I have plateaued, but I FIT IN SKINNY JEANS. And I feel so much better, emotionally and physically.
Lois
http://www.recipeideashop.com
Hi Lois! So great to hear from you. Dairy was ditched long ago, but gluten has always been a stronghold for me. I’ve tried going without it in the past but didn’t notice much of a difference either way. What I’m discovering is that there is no one size fits all approach to this – which makes it both infuriating and adventure. 🙂
I applaud your honesty and hope you make progress with you goals. I find small manageable goals work best for me.
Thank you Diane! Yes, I’ll be breaking up the big goal into smaller chunks because I find the same thing to be true. 🙂
Thank you so very much Beth…. You have touched my heart and have inspired me to do the same…. gonna keep this as my program also….. LUVVIES TO YOU>>>>>>
Thank you Cyn! So glad to have you along for the ride. 🙂
You’re not turning 40 this year? I think you should release your long form birth certificate. I have a source that tells me differently.
Name your source.
You rock! I’m in this with you.
Thank you Carol! I’m so honored to have your support. 🙂
You just described me! Well, except that I am an inch taller and 10 pounds heavier than you, my goal weight is a bit higher than yours, and I am almost old enough to be your mother, but still… Let’s do this together. Thank you for putting yourself out there. It is encouraging and inspiring.
We’ve got this, Melynda! 🙂
Good Luck Beth, thank you for sharing. I’m 5’10’ a 160 lbs, I once weighed 240 lbs. It was a challenge and a lot work to lose the weight. I won’t go into the details other than I empathize with you. I’m rooting for you!
Thank you so much for your encouragement and for sharing your experience too! 80 pounds lost is amazing!!!
so proud of you for putting this out there! especially being willing to publish your goals to the world and expose the process so we can all see it CAN happen. You have this in you…we already know that, so totally cheering you on as you achieve it and grabbing some inspiration for my own struggles with weight loss <3 youre my hero, friend 🙂
You’re so sweet, Brittany. So glad you’re my blogging buddy! 🙂
So proud of you, Beth. You are strong, powerful, and very loved!
I just love you so much, Friend. 🙂
I’m in there with you. Thanks for sharing this! Think kindly toward yourself, as you would toward someone else: You’re not a fraud, you’re striving, and sharing your striving with us.
This seriously made me burst into tears. Thank you. I’ll continue to share my striving with you. <3
So proud of you for making yourself and your health a priority in such a raw, vulnerable and public way. You’ve got this girl!!
Thank you so much, my friend! I’m inspired by YOU! 🙂
You are an inspiration and a darn strong woman in addition to managing a family and work. Don’t beat your self up. Your sharing helps all of us. Just start walking more, taking stairs etc.. It all helps. Next thing you know, 5k or more! Fitness Blender on line has excellent workouts and tons are free. You don’t have to pay a monthly fee. I think they are based in Washington. Just stick with it, slow and steady will get you there!
Thank you, Beth! I just checked out Fitness Blender – how did I not know about this before? It looks awesome! And FREE! My favorite price. 😉 Your encouragement means so much.
After yo-yoing with my weight for many years, I found Paul McKenna and his book, with accompanying audio, “I Can Make You Thin.” It uses mind re-programming techniques. I strongly suggest you check it out and I hope it works as well for you as it does for me. You can do this!
Thanks for sharing, Cathleen! Your support means so much. 🙂
I’m in the same boat as you are and am at the point where I don’t even feel like myself. I can totally relate about the shower, makeup, shopping. Ugh. I’m ready to make a change and stumbled upon a book that I am loving. It is about mindful eating. I intend to do many of the same things you outlined, especially under the category of tuning into your “body’s cues regarding hunger and satiety.” I just feel like that is the key to me having a sane relationship with food and a fulfilling life where I don’t obsess about food constantly. The book “Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: A Mindful Eating Program” by Dr. Michelle May has proven to be a really common sense and interesting read. I feel like if I don’t get in touch with my body and really learn to listen to it, I will be doomed to repeat the lose/gain cycle over and over again. I wish you luck on your journey and hope we both start feeling like ourselves soon!
I’m right there with you, Sunny! Thanks so much for your encouragement. I put on makeup today and did my hair – it felt great. Here’s to feeling like ourselves!
you go girl! i am older, fatter, and have nothing in my life worth fighting for. i do love your blog though. i do have moments when i want to make more effort…and it is about that time. thinking, not doing, but thinking, at this point, is progress
Jamee! Your LIFE is worth fighting for. Seriously. I know what you mean about considering thinking about doing something progress. One step at a time. 🙂
I wonder if you are learning some of the new things about about autoimmune issues and how gut health impacts energy, outlook, and WEIGHT LOSS?
I am just beginning my journey with a FUNCTIONAL MEDICINE PRACTITIONER.
Leaving behind the “calories in – calories out”, “eat less – exercise more”, “it is your own fault because you are fat” idiocy is a struggle against well-intentioned but horribly faulty and out-dated information. Try to find a FMP (phonebook is a decent place to start); look up Dr Thomas O’Bryan (thedr.com) or Dr Peter Osbourne on the internet.
I love your recipes, your humanity, your love of life — keep moving forward, and FROG, Girlfriend.
Thank you! Gut health is something I’ve been interested in learning more about, so I’ll definitely check out the resources you mentioned. I so appreciate your encouragement and support!
I love your honesty! I couldn’t do it. We are pretty close in height and weight but I have children your age. I have tried every “diet” out there and I have lost weight on many of them. At this stage of my life, I am thinking “diet” is the problem. I can restrict carbs, calories, sugar, protein, points, and whatever else the latest fad tells me I should be doing. I just can’t sustain that for the rest of time! I always gain the weight back!! If we can figure out moon landings and computers, why is weight loss so difficult?
I have been reading a lot about just eating real food, not too much, and moving more, kind of like the way our grandmothers ate before corporations staring adding junk to our foods and money to their bank accounts. I am not making weight loss goals either. I am living life and hoping someday that I will go shopping with girlfriends and look at more than the jewelry, shoes, and purses while they are trying on clothes. Larger women with thinner friends will know what I mean!!
I wish the best for you. I will continue reading your blog because I love your writing. By the way, you aren’t a fraud. You are human.
Thank you Debbie! I’m so honored that you love my writing – it keeps me going. “If we can figure out moon landings and computers, why is weight loss so difficult?” I seriously laughed out loud. It’s so true! Such a simple thing that is SO complicated sometimes. I think it’s because for many of us (me for sure), food can be so much more than fuel – it’s tied to our emotions and our mental state. For me, it’s been an escape. In any case, I expect that in the next 43 weeks I’ll come face to face with those complications, but it’s so assuring to know that I’m not alone. Fellow humans unite! 🙂
I was having foot problems after I started doing a lot more walking. The best thing I did was get professionally fitted for some walking/running shoes coupled with very sturdy arch supports. I have absolutely no foot pain anymore. I also started doing more Elliptical training as opposed to walking and running and my knees have been thanking me ever since…
Thanks Micah! I definitely need to go get fitted for shoes, it’s been a while and I didn’t get professionally fitted for the ones I have now. I have tried the elliptical in the past and it’s just not for me (I truly detest it, ha), but hopefully having the right footwear will make walking more enjoyable. Thanks again. 🙂
Well done you! The hardest part is starting 😉
When I sprained it my ankle and it just would not heal,a physiotherapist taped it for added support. Maybe you could find out if some kind of tape or foot-support might help?
I cut out sugar in Jan and feel so much better. (I only eat it if it’s less than 6% carbohydrates, of-which-sugars) Now I’m back into some old clothes, my ring moves on my finger, my belt has been adjusted (2 holes) my watch adjusted by 1 hole – such a boost to morale!
Rate at which weight is decreasing has slowed now, so I’m boosting my movement.
Tips for increasing your step count, when short on time:
– Walk while brushing your teeth/hair etc
– Run upstairs each time something needs to go (don’t wait for a collection of things)
– Walk the kids to school (park further away and walk) then run back!
– Deliberately dash to use the farthest away WC
– Don’t ever shout – walk to tell partner/kids it’s time/stop/start etc.
– Park at the back of the parking lot, or down the street
– Split walks into 3 smaller goals: before breakfast/after lunch/ after evening meal
– Walk round the block before collecting the mail
– Choose to walk the ‘scenic route’ (don’t just take the shortest route; i.e. go via the park)
– Choose the route with the most hills
– Don’t load up – make more journeys to bring the shopping in/put washing away etc
– Pace when on the phone/thinking
– Try a walking meeting with co-workers/a walking chat with a friend
– Walk while waiting for the kids (back and forth, round the block)
– Go for a post dinner walk around the neighbourhood
– Get up and walk during commercials (do a quick household task)
– Volunteer to walk a neighbours dog
– Have NO CAR days (walk/bus/cycle/carry things)
Add a little something more:
– Get a step buddy
– Steadily increase your tracker/pedometer goal (by very small increments)
– Walk at high intensity
– Do something physical for fun instead of watch TV (cycle/walk/run/swim/kids to the park)
– Take up a sport/physical hobby and practise exercises in evening to make up for slack days
– Do housework/DIY/gardening for 15 mins everyday
– Bulk up on vegetable intake (include veggies for breakfast!)
– Drink water when you wake, before bed and 1/2 hour before each meal
The best bonus is that my kids are walking more too and getting fitter!
Thank you Kara! All of your suggestions are wonderful, and I’ll definitely refer back to them. Many of the outdoors ones are tough right now as it has been very cold and rainy here, but perhaps I need to just suck it up and outfit my kiddos and myself with rain gear so we can go for walks. I’m so tired of being stuck indoors.
You can do this Beth! I have 100% confidence that you will reach your goals! Looking forward to following along with your successes!
Thank you so much Shannon! I’m so glad that we’re blog buddies. 🙂
I laughed and teared up throughout this message Sister. What really made me choke up, was hearing that you like the “O Brother” movie. Truly sad- That’s right up there with Waterworld on my worst movies list.
But really, my admiration and belief in you is off the charts right now. Just like you said, You Have Done This Before, and YOU CAN do this again. I recommend making a list of all the things you have accomplished in these last few years, because that list would be freakin long.
Love and never ending support,
Sister
My heart hurts to have Oh, Brother compared to Waterworld. It hurts. Oh, Brother is worth it for the music alone, but hey, our differences cannot separate us. 😉
I just love you, Sister. Next to Michael, my biggest cheerleader and I can’t thank you enough.
Oh Beth. My friend. You know you’ve got a big ole cheerleader over here in your corner. I’ve seen you struggle with your weight the whole time I’ve known you. Just gonna put this out there:
YOU LOOK ZA-ZA-ZOOM TODAY. I saw you bust your booty on that treadmill on IG stories, and it is truly an inspiration. 15K steps with pain in your foot? I’ve said it before….. SUPERWOMAN! LOL!
Seriously though, this whole post was like reading so many of the thoughts in my own brain. I keep using Ellis as an excuse, but the truth is, I just haven’t committed hard enough yet to lose the weight I need to. Thank you so much for being able to admit that first, and possibly getting others to follow along with you. So pumped to see you proud of yourself! You deserve that feeling!
Oh, and this is Trish. Tee-hee.
I swear I’m getting that Superwoman shirt made when this is all said and done. 😉 Trish, you’ve been such an encouragement to me ever since we first met, even though, unbelievably, we’re still technically only internet friends. This MUST be remedied soon.
Gotta admit, today I didn’t get to 15K. 11,500. My foot was MAD at me from yesterday, so I iced it and gave it some Ibuprofen. I never expected that I’d have problems simply walking, but go figure. I’ll figure it out, one way or another.
Funny you mention using Ellis as an excuse, because it got me thinking. We will do anything for our kids, even if it means we lose sleep (HELLO), are uncomfortable or out of our element, or whatever. Because they need us. But why the heck aren’t we willing to go to those lengths for ourselves? We deserve to take care of ourselves that same way. I wish that for you, and I wish that for me. We can do it.
Oh, THAT Trish. 😉
You ROCK Beth! And “Food that Doesn’t Suck” made me laugh so hard I choked.
Amazing honesty! Your writing has always delighted me. Check out Leanne Vogel’s website. I am 39, 5’8″ and now weigh 143 pounds; I have never been this thin in my entire life. I cut out all wheat on advice of my naturopath last Oct. In the last six weeks, I’ve been exploring (Leanne’s) keto diet with carb-ups. I am effortlessly keeping the weight off and the only exercise I do is chasing my kids and yoga 1-2 times per week. Good luck and inspire on!
I think you’re brave and beautiful (AS IS) and I look forward to seeing you in Barre class again!
Hi Beth – I just stumbled upon your blog today, in search of how to prepare/cook spaghetti squash – and I loved your tone and writing style (made me laugh more than once 🙂 ) and decided to have a squiz at what else is here. I found this, and thought I just have to leave you a note.
I too have struggled with weight, loving the highly processed carbs and fats and oh my. And a friend sent to my mother a link that she passed on to me of an interview with a person that intrigued me, much like you have. So I followed the white rabbit to her thing, and I do believe that I have found the way of eating for me that will do just what you have intended. I am not going to offer you any links (I am not wanting to ‘sell’ you on it) but if you are interested, you can always look up Bright Line Eating. Another thing that might be useful to you is to read a book called The China Study. It has changed my perspective on food, and I suspect that you are already skirting quite close to what these two things are recommending. The China Study is the fore-runner of WholeFoodsPlantBased eating.
I will continue to follow you here with great interest, and I wish you all the best with your life, and cooking, and writing. 🙂 Brave indeed.
I’m with you!
Kudos to you for being honest! I love EWYM – regardless of your weight. Cheers! ???
I am working along with you. I have a class reunion in August so my timeline is shorter, but I am closer to my goal. As you get closer, it actually gets harder, at least for me. I also will get on a roll like losing 3 or four pounds and then it will jump back on. That feels worse than losing less and keeping it off. I have found that weight training helps a bit, bad weather doesn’t, lunch out with friends keeps me accountable, TV munching doesn’t. Mostly, I want to fit into my smaller jeans, whatever the weight. I have 2, 4, 6 and 8. Can there be that much difference in those? My 8’s are wearing out, so I gotta get down there for summer. This morning I weighed 133.4. That is the lowest since last summer when I was cycling all the time (horray for Oregon and its huge cycling community). I have a goal of 125. Now I have said it, so I must do it. I have been 120 many times in my adulthood. I think 125 will be wonderful.